Your soul has fallen to bits and pieces. Good. Rearrange them to suit yourself.
In a perfect world, everyone is nice, cool, caring, mindful. In a perfect world. But then again, we aren’t in a perfect world and imperfections are all around us. There are those whom we just click with right away, some whom we can handle alright, and try as we might, some whom we just don’t care about. And then there are those whom we just don’t get along with, people we just can’t stand and sometimes it’s difficult to know the right way to deal with them.
I’m not quite sure what I’m doing is right but here is how I deal with people I don’t like…
Accepting that I can’t get along with everyone.
The thing is, we definitely aren’t going to like every single person we meet. But not liking someone doesn’t necessarily mean we or them are a bad person. It’s just that we have different opinions or personalities and we just don’t jive. So it’s okay not to like people. The best thing to do, I guess, is just accept it. I don’t need to like everyone (whether at work, in the apartment, etc.) as much as they don’t need to like me, so I’d better go easy on myself. 🙂 I have to accept that I’m not going to like everyone. I can’t change them and they’re probably not trying to be difficult, too.
Identifying what I dislike about the other person.
It’s very important to know what it is exactly we don’t like from a person. So I consider what’s happening and why. It might just be because I don’t like the person because of certain qualities which are socially acceptable but not for me personally and if that’s the case then that is my issue and not the other person’s. In a way, being able to pin-point what puts me off about this person is a way of bettering myself, too.
Releasing the need to be right.
The more I think I am right, the more I struggle dealing with the person I don’t like. So I try to just make my point and walk away. Agree to disagree and try my best not to be judgmental.
Finding common ground.
Sometimes this is difficult but when I look hard enough, I sometimes find some common ground with people I don’t like. It helps to know something we have in common and try to develop it from there instead of focusing on things they do that annoys me.
Checking my expectations.
Sometimes I take a moment to check on myself. I get irritated because the other person doesn’t do what I would do if I were on his situation. Expecting others to do as I’d do almost always leaves me disappointed. We are all different individuals, raised in different ways, believe in different views so we devise ideas and solutions for every situation differently as well. So I guess it’s normal, besides, I also don’t act the way people expect me to all the time either. So I check on my expectations and try to be tolerant of different approaches.
When all else fails, ignore them completely.
Yes. Sometimes, or well, more often, it’s best to just ignore them completely. I do try to avoid them as much as I could until eventually, I can completely ignore them. This isn’t easy when I have to work with these people but in cases where I don’t need to, it’s really not an issue.
How about you my dear readers? How do you deal with people you don’t like? Feel free to write them on the comment section. I’d be glad to learn from you!
Enjoy the day, homo sapiens!
I’m probably not made for anyone.
Crushing. Yes, crushing. It’s the only word I can think of after I first read this while on vacation in 2015. And unable to decide what book to read next, I decided to reread this since it’s a very short book and you can read it in one sitting.
Of Mice and Men is the story of two migrant workers in California in the 1930s, George and Lennie, who work in different ranches in order to save money and buy themselves land. George is street smart while Lennie is a big, strong guy with a child’s mind. They both dream of owning a land since George is also tired of always being on the run (because of stupid things Lennie get into) while looking for work at the same time. Things seem to be going their way until Lennie pets the hair of the landlord’s daughter-in-law and eventually, accidentally killed her.
In a little over a hundred pages, Steinbeck was able to tackle on themes like friendship, loneliness, power, hopes, and dreams. The prose is very straight-forward and easy to read. Good enough to make you smile and cry. All the characters felt so real.
The end? Still crushing. Absolutely heartbreaking but what was offered is totally solid. I loved this the way I loved it the first time I’ve read it. A powerful short story.
As happens sometimes, a moment settled and hovered and remained for much more than a moment. And sound stopped and movement stopped for much, much more than a moment.”
“Guy don’t need no sense to be a nice fella. Seems to me sometimes it jus’ works the other way around. Take a real smart guy and he ain’t hardly ever a nice fella.”
“Just like heaven. Ever’body wants a little piece of lan’. I read plenty of books out here. Nobody never gets to heaven, and nobody gets no land. It’s just in their head. They’re all the time talkin’ about it, but it’s jus’ in their head.”
“Maybe ever’body in the whole damn world is scared of each other.”
Rating : 5/5 stars
One thing I learned a long time ago is that even if you think you’re meant to be with someone, that doesn’t necessarily mean you get to be with them.
Federer Makes History in Return to World #1 – After dropping his first set this week at the ABN AMRO World Tennis Tournament in Rotterdam, Roger Federer cruised. The Swiss maestro defeated Dutchman Robin Haase 4-6 6-1 6-1 to advance to the semifinals, guaranteeing his return to the world #1 ranking.
— Read on federerfan07.com/2018/02/16/federer-makes-history-returns-world-1/
It’s almost nine years since I boarded the Etihad Airways flight leaving Manila a few minutes past midnight. I haven’t been home since then. But for as long as I can remember, working overseas — specially in the Middle East — was never part of my plans growing up. Moving to a foreign country could be a scary stuff for many but not for me. It’s just that, at that time, I didn’t see myself working abroad. But to borrow the words of Jamie Lannister (or George R.R. Martin to be more precise), “…the things we do for love.” So off to Kuwait I flew…
Jumping into life as an expatriate was a decision I made for love. When I think about it now, I still somehow think it’s one of the most stupid decisions I’ve ever made. I had a rewarding job back in Manila, was earning good enough, have a wonderful family and friends. So why leave? Love. Yes, love. But that’s not what I wanted to write about today though here’s a spoiler… it wasn’t a happy ending. It wasn’t all easy but I can say I still have been very fortunate and blessed after that. What happened then opened new doors, challenges and opportunities for me. Thus, here I am now.
Personally and professionally, these long years of working in Kuwait and living on my own has taught me a lot of things. Allow me to share some…
1. I’ve learned to become totally independent/self-reliant. Arriving in an unfamiliar environment by myself, I didn’t have a choice but to find my way around and rely on myself completely. I have already moved out of my parents’ home a couple of years before I came here but it’s always easy to go home to them whenever I want to or need to. But moving to another country, clueless, is a totally different thing. I learned to cook my meals, treat my wounds (physically & emotionally), going to the doctor when I’m sick, making my grocery list, paying my house rent and bills — I have to do it all on my own. (Thanks to technology I am able to pay my bills or order food online just by clicking this and that, click, click and click then it’s done, as sometimes it’s not easy calling due to language barriers.) It’s amazing to realize that I was able to adapt pretty quickly. I’m glad how I’m able to improve an independent mindset and was able to enhance my decision-making skills. Of course I still make mistakes, but it’s from these mistakes that I learn to be wiser and stronger being on my own. Being able to do things my way is a very liberating feeling!
2. I’ve learned that nationality matters. Well, we always hear that we are all global citizens but in reality, nationality matters here. It does. I understand this connotes a negative meaning, however, sad as it seems, people are paid according to what passport they carry. An Indian teacher can never get a salary equal to an American teacher though they have the same qualifications. Nationality determines the salary for different job titles.
3. I’ve learned a great deal of patience and balance. I always try to be as optimistic as I could about life, however, patience was never really my virtue. Coming here though, I’ve learned to be patient with myself and other people or else, I’d better go back home. It just hit me one day to just take it easy and be patient for a while, balancing my work and social life and give myself a chance to learn how things work in this country. It is definitely a big adjustment, seriously. But being patient and knowing how to balance things helped me adapt to these differences.
4. I’ve learned that culture shock is a real thing. (It can happen to anyone.) And homesickness, too. Coping with culture shock I think was one of the most challenging aspect of moving overseas or even just traveling. Every traveler I think feels the same way to a certain extent but for most first-timers, I think it’s more serious. First thing that strike me was the language. I felt dizzy listening to people talking simultaneously and very loudly in an unfamiliar language that pretty much sounded like noise to me in my earlier months here. Next, the way people stare at me made me quite uncomfortable, too. (My mom told me it’s bad to stare.) A lot of men stare at women differently that it makes it awkward and unpleasant. I don’t know how to explain this well so I’ll leave it at that. I’m sure others who have worked in the Middle East will understand me. Another thing that still shocks me even to this day are the times when some men drop a piece of paper on your table with their mobile numbers on it. Seriously. You can decently ask for my name and my phone number if you want to be friends with me but dropping a piece of paper with your number and expecting me to call you or send you a message?!? Hell, no. I don’t know if this is okay with other women, but for me, definitely a no-no.
Work ethics and social interactions are far too different from where I came from so it’s really a big shock for me, too. Life doesn’t move as quickly here but life doesn’t end when you don’t get a reply to your email the same hour or the same day, but still. Unanswered phone calls are annoying as well. Some things that I can’t really get used to.
Alongside coping with culture shock, I also learned that homesickness can hit even the most independent of people. It was only less than a month since I arrived when I started missing everything about my country already. I miss my family, my friends, the food/restaurants, my dog, my mom’s voice (specially when she’s angry (: haha!), my hometown, our home, my bedroom, my books, our village, the markets/shops/malls/bookstores, the public transportation, the pine trees, the fog, the weather, the rain, the discos/bars, alcohol/beer, the people, the fun. I wanted to go back home. But I thought better of it so I stayed. I realized it’s okay to be homesick. Some people I’ve met here make me forget homesickness every now and then. I just try to enjoy the time I have here with some good people I’ve met or by myself most of the time. Home will always be there when I return anyway. 🙂
5. I’ve learned that it helps a lot to learn the country’s language and culture. Communicating with people from different countries without a common language was something really irritating for me at first. I actually expected them to at least know basic English, however, that wasn’t the case. Many people I’ve met here don’t speak English at all. It’s surprising specially in places where English-speakers are expected. So it was (and is still) pretty difficult to communicate. Like in restaurants that serve Arabic dishes, of course as expats, we expect someone who is able to explain to us the dishes in English. It’s frustrating that the staffs aren’t able to explain these things to you. So my experience in a Lebanese restaurant helped me a lot about Arabic food. Anyhow, as days and months and years went by, it became very interesting to experience communicating without a common language! Yes, believe it or not, it’s possible! This happened almost everyday in my first two or three years and even these days, though rarely. But it’s not easy of course. It sometimes leads to miscommunication so it really helps a lot to learn the spoken language in your host country. I’m not saying learn everything but knowing the basics certainly made my life better and easier. It’s pretty annoying coping with a language difficult to understand and I never had the will to learn actually but it goes a long way to know at least how to greet or say thank you in other people’s language.
It’s also a big plus knowing cultural taboos and how to avoid them. I surely found some pretty odd things at first and many times, I disagree about something, but taking a step back and trying to look at things in their perspective helps a lot in understanding their culture/behavior and gradually I learned to understand and respect them. Nothing really comes out good for being an idiot abroad so I try to learn whatever possible things I can learn about the place, the people, the culture and gain understanding of whatever situation I’m into. I’m sometimes appalled or amazed or surprised but it all contributes to how I survive here.
6. I’ve learned to be flexible. I can’t always get what I want and people are not going to adjust or give way for me all the time so I always try to be flexible. Back home, I mostly work things my way and I’m mostly in control of situations but here, I’ve learned that life can’t always be like that. I certainly can’t have all things my way and not every situation is under my control. I’ve learned and understood that there’s always more than one correct answer. I always try to be open-minded and to be prepared to change my mind once in a while because things don’t just fall perfectly on my lap. Even in everyday experiences like eating out with friends/colleagues, being flexible and open-minded will make the experience better, happier and worthwhile. Trying unusual and never-before-heard dishes because it’s the only place open at that time of the day/night actually introduced me to new different dishes and new favorites! So being flexible lead me to different adventures.
7. I’ve learned to manage my expectations. It’s good to think positive but it’s stupid to underestimate how difficult it can get to live in a new place, a new environment, with different people, different climate and a new culture. It isn’t all fun and easy so give big enough room for disappointments, irritation, discouragement and tears. Don’t be overconfident as well but learn to find your niche in your new world and it will be satisfying and beneficial later on.
8. I’ve learned to ask for help. Being independent doesn’t mean you won’t be needing help. Though I can figure things out on my own most of the time, there are situations where it is wiser and more efficient to ask for other people’s help like asking for directions or how things are done here and there. It’s pretty annoying sometimes because of unnecessary talks/comments but hell, there’s no harm in asking for help.
9. I’ve learned to just smile and not to sweat the small stuff. Seriously. A smile always goes a long way. (But still be cautious and use your common sense, of course!) Smiling just feels good. Smiling makes me happy and it could make other people happy, too. Remember that smile is contagious. 🙂 Moreover, don’t sweat the small stuff. Life could be way much worse than we could ever imagine so I learned to appreciate what I have and what I don’t and life as a whole. Really, life ain’t that bad.
10. I’ve learned the value of money. Since I started living by myself, specially when I started working here, the way I look at money started to change. I realized I can just buy a ticket to somewhere and enjoy a lot of different, wonderful, crazy, mind-boggling and extraordinary things instead of buying shoes and bags every so often. (I still don’t mind spending money on books though!) I’ve been able to travel to a few countries during my annual vacations and I was also able to see how people spend (or waste) their money and how little a lot of people have. I also don’t have much but I feel really blessed living the life I have now. I get to realize how much money I’m wasting on things I don’t really need when a lot of people don’t even have anything to eat. I’ve seen poverty in places known as tourist destinations but it’s saddening, heart-wrenching even, to see the reality behind these beautiful and astonishing places. Since then, I promised myself to spend my money wisely and find ways to help the less fortunate in my own little way.
11. I’ve learned to take risks after risks after risks. (Or else, life’s a bore.) I think my decision to quit my job back in Manila and come here was one of the riskiest thing I’ve done in my life. Less than a month since I got here though, I started regretting that decision. Everything was not what I expected, nonetheless, I stayed. Then I needed to take far bigger risks after that. As it turned out, what seemed to be a wrong decision almost nine years ago, turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve made in my life.
12. I’ve learned to embrace diversity. It’s important not to stereotype. Everyone of us is a masterpiece. None of us is exactly the same as someone else. We were raised in different ways, we have different cultures and beliefs, thus, we have different opinions and way of life. Sure, some (or a lot) of things were strange, peculiar or unusual but overtime, I learned to accept and respect these differences as others accept mine. This diversity makes it all beautiful. We become more passionate about other people, it helps bring about a healthier lifestyle, it enriches our knowledge and opinion and it makes us closer.
These are the most notable things I’ve learned thus far living as an expatriate. (This decision I’ve made for love ain’t that bad after all.) Years ago I thought working abroad wasn’t for me. Not anymore. It has opened a lot of exciting, challenging, rare and unexpected opportunities, both personally and professionally that I think working abroad is a choice I’d make again and again. There were years of happy, delightful, wonderful and satisfying moments. There were weeks and months of tears and despair. But all these contributed to what and where I am now.
Kuwait is not a place for everyone. Countless times I thought it’s not for me, too. It’s certainly not the life I’ve wished/imagined when I was younger but it undeniably helped me in a lot of ways which couldn’t have been possible if I just stayed back home. I am pleased that I’ve learned a lot about myself and that my life had been better in one way or the other. For this I am glad for the experiences I’ve had here. Sure there are negative aspects of the country and sometimes I myself find it unsafe in some areas, but it’s not all war zones here or in the Middle East. We can’t ignore the fact that terrible things happen every now and then, however, we have to keep in mind that tolerance and respect for people and their culture is a two-way process. I still always tell myself and believe that there are far more good people here. Perhaps, I just have to give it a try to reach out again. I don’t want to be left wondering what if and if only.
Thanks for reading. Happy day, homo sapiens! 🙂
Hi there! Today is the Get to Know Me Tag day! This is another first for me and I’m so delighted to be tagged by Shayra! (At least I kinda feel like someone’s interested to get to know me more somewhere out there! Haha!) Thanks for tagging me Shayra and do visit her blog here.
Let’s get started!
- Thank the blogger who tagged you.
- Answer the questions asked.
- Nominate/Tag 5 or more bloggers & let them know by commenting on one of their posts.
The questions and my answers:
WHAT ARE YOU CURRENTLY WEARING?
Black slacks, brown top with puff sleeves, black windbreaker and black doll shoes.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?
Hell, yes! 😍😊
DID YOU EVER HAVE A TERRIBLE BREAKUP?
Yes and I think any kind of breakup is terrible if the person means a lot to you.
HOW OLD ARE YOU?
A little older than you are, Shayra! 🙂
HOW TALL ARE YOU?
Less taller than you…
HOW MUCH DO YOU WEIGH?
I stopped checking!
DO YOU HAVE ANY PIERCINGS?
DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS?
Nope but I think of having one sometimes. Though I’m pretty sure I won’t do it just the same…
WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE DRINK?
Beer! And whisky or any alcohol! But since it’s not allowed here, black coffee.
WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE SONG?
I have a lot but recently All I Ask.
WHAT’S YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?
HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE YOU TO SHOWER?
15-20 minutes on weekdays. Longer on weekends.
WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE SHOW?
Game of Thrones and House of Cards.
WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE BAND?
The Beatles, Green Day, Maroon 5, Backstreet Boys, Coldplay, Eraserheads.
SOMETHING YOU REALLY MISS?
WHERE DO YOU GO WHEN YOU’RE SAD?
Here in Kuwait, I just lock myself in my bedroom when I’m sad. In my hometown, I used to take a walk in Camp John Hay or go to a bookstore or the public library. At night, I grab a drink at a bar or something.
HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE YOU TO GET READY IN THE MORNING?
Excluding shower, 15 minutes.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A PHYSICAL FIGHT?
No. Never. I don’t like fighting. Haha!
WHAT TURNS YOU ON?
Kindness and intelligence.
WHAT TURNS YOU OFF?
Arrogance and stupidity combined.
QUALITY YOU LOOK FOR IN PARTNER?
Kind, intelligent, sweet, good sense of humor, PATIENT.
WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE COLOR?
Recently, black. Read here: https://happymesshappiness.wordpress.com/2018/01/24/the-mystery-blogger-award
LOUD MUSIC OR SOFT?
This really depends on my mood.
You don’t have to compromise convictions to be compassionate.
Jack Nicholson, Michael Caine, Bruce Willis, Tom Cruise
DO YOU HAVE ANY FEARS? WHAT ARE THEY?
My mom and an empty fridge. Earthquakes. Spiders.
WHAT’S THE LAST THING THAT MADE YOU CRY?
When I was left hanging… clueless… I felt stupid and worthless. 😢
MEANING BEHIND YOUR BLOG NAME?
LAST TIME YOU SAID YOU LOVED SOMEONE.
Apart from my family? Hmmm… maybe 2016? I loved someone after that but I never really got the chance to tell him. My bad…
LAST BOOK YOU READ.
Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck.
THE BOOK YOU’RE CURRENTLY READING.
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith.
LAST SHOW YOU WATCHED?
Game of Thrones Season 7.
LAST PLACE YOU WERE?
LAST SPORT YOU PLAYED?
WHO’S THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO?
LAST SONG YOU SANG.
Swept Away by Christopher Cross. Check it out here, it’s a beautiful song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZQwf7kaFuY
FAVORITE CHAT UP LINE.
DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?
THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN YOU AND THE LAST PERSON YOU TEXTED?
Korean and Japanese food.
PLACE YOU WANT TO VISIT.
A lot! But I’m looking forward to Egypt and India this year. And a second visit to Jordan.
LAST TIME YOU WERE INSULTED?
FAVORITE FLAVOR OF SWEETS?
Chocolate, of course!!! Anything chocolate!
WHAT INSTRUMENTS DO YOU PLAY?
FAVORITE PIECE OF JEWELRY.
I’m not a fan of jewelries but a ring or an earring is fine.
LAST TIME YOU HUNG OUT WITH ANYONE.
Last weekend with the flat owners of the apartment where I’m living. They pretty much treat me like their youngest sister. 🙂
And everyone reading this! Or you can answer some of the questions on the comment section! Let’s get to know each other more, homo sapiens! 🙂
Thanks again, Shayra and let’s all have a wonderful day!
You were just another let down.
Sometimes the happiest ending isn’t the one you keep longing for, but something you absolutely cannot see from where you are.
Love means hurt to me now.
The Catcher in the Rye depicts a few days in the life of a whiny 17-year old, Holden Caulfield, after being expelled. Again. His search for authenticity, for what’s right and what’s wrong. His views on adults and the innocence of childhood. Holden likes children because they seem to be so innocent in a corrupted world.
I’ve seen reviews that find Holden to be an annoying character and it’s easy to see why people think that but he’s a teenager who still doesn’t have that much wisdom and is looking for authenticity in people. Losing his brother Allie is what made him dislike everyone he meets.. He likes his brother too much and preserves a perfect image of him in his mind thus he finds other people to be phonies. (I think it’s easy to guess how Holden would think about social media!) His sister Phoebe is the only person he likes. That part of the book towards the end was so nice when he was watching her in the carousel. He was happy. How he wants her sister to stay that way, be as innocent as she is as a child and not to become what he believes other people are.
I first read this as a teenager and Holden is an eminently relatable character. There were several parts in the book that made me laugh out loud. I read it again in 2013. I still enjoyed it now reading it for the third time though I kinda felt sadder. It’s just that this time, I recognize Holden’s problems more than I did before. I say he’s relatable, true enough, I’ve been there, done this, done that, but I moved forward. It’s kinda sad to think that J.D. Salinger portrays the future as a depressing place to be but what’s important is we all reach a time in our lives where we realize that’s not what we want to hear or what we want to believe. So we move on more positively and I hope Holden does, too.
I still definitely enjoyed reading this again and will be rereading it once more in a couple of years. I wonder where the ducks are, though? 🙂
“Among other things, you’ll find that you’re not the first person who was ever confused and frightened and even sickened by human behavior. You’re by no means alone on that score, you’ll be excited and stimulated to know. Many, many men have been just as troubled morally and spiritually as you are right now. Happily, some of them kept records of their troubles. You’ll learn from them—if you want to. Just as someday, if you have something to offer, someone will learn something from you. It’s a beautiful reciprocal arrangement. And it isn’t education. It’s history. It’s poetry.”
“What really knocks me out is a book that, when you’re all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it. That doesn’t happen much, though.”
“The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of the mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one.”
“When you’re dead, they really fix you up. I hope to hell when I do die somebody has sense enough to just dump me in the river or something. Anything except sticking me in a goddam cemetery. People coming and putting a bunch of flowers on your stomach on Sunday, and all that crap. Who wants flowers when you’re dead? Nobody.”
“Certain things, they should stay the way they are. You ought to be able to stick them in one of those big glass cases and just leave them alone.”
Rating : 5/5 stars
Being alone doesn’t mean I’m lonely.
I thought of writing something to kill time yesterday so here’s a random list of my loves, likes and dislikes. Read on and see what we have in common. 🙂
- Roger Federer
- Kisses on the forehead
- Having a strong mental connection to people
- Black coffee
- A good sense of humor
- The word “darling”
- Talking to strangers
- The 90s
- Starry nights
- Late nights
- Listening to other people’s love stories
- Long walks
- Pine cones
- The British accent
- Cool wind blowing to my face (and my hair)
- Thrift shops
- The smell of cinnamon, freshly-baked bread, books and pine trees
- Happy endings (but I like tragic endings, too, in books/series/movies)
- Postage stamps
- Vintage stuffs/designs
- Long travels
- Being late
- Milk and cheese
- Long queues
- Noisy housemates
- Strong scents
- People trying to control me
- Invasion of privacy
- Bad customer service
- The sea (or any bodies of water)
- Lazy people
- Arrogance and stupidity combined
- Ironing my clothes
- My favorite character killed in a book/movie
There’s the list, so far… 🙂 Share yours, I’d be very delighted to know!
Happy day, homo sapiens! 🙂
To love or have loved, that is enough. Ask nothing further. There is no other pearl to be found in the dark fold of life.