Most of the time, my filter doesn’t work. I have to say what I need to say. Not to humiliate people but I just need to speak my mind. I can be brutally frank and it’s too late to care (sometimes) how people would feel when I say something. Yes, I can be a total bitch sometimes (or often, that depends on how you define a bitch!)) but I’m not about to change anytime soon, whether that makes people like me or not.
We grew up believing that we need to belong somewhere in this world. The need to be a part of something else, of something bigger than ourselves. And alongside this, the need to be liked or wanted by people.
I remember a panel interview I had when I was just starting to create a life of my own back in Manila. While waiting for my turn (since I always arrive early in any appointments because I hate being late and people who come late), the HR coordinator came in the waiting room telling me and the other interviewees some information she called “tips” about the interviewers. I remember her saying, “Miss M is this kind of woman to work with so you should be like this. Mr. H on the other hand is like this. Another Mr. H is the same. Mr. O is pretty much like this and that. You should adjust to what they require of you, change your attitude to please and impress them and make them like you.”
That made me think the whole time I was waiting. And I’m still reminded of it even these days when some salesmen visit the office offering their company products and services. I’ve encountered a number of salesmen selling their products explaining the features, offers and benefits that come with it and when we start asking whether the product has this or that, even those that are NOT actually included becomes suddenly a part of what they’re offering. Later on, after buying and using the product and you contact them again because of malfunctions whatsoever, it becomes a problem. Why? Because of the unnecessary promises and warranty or replacements promised that the salesman mentioned comes with the product doesn’t actually exist or can not be actually included in the item in the first place. In short, they just tried to please you or convince you at that time in order to sell their items. They’re salesmen after all! But the problem it created afterwards does not only affect the salesman himself and the customer, it could create a problem for his superiors and the company itself.
So the same thing pretty much happened in that panel interview. Three of us were interviewed by five interviewers. It was pretty funny to me because the other two interviewees were inconsistent and kept changing their answers in order to please every single one of the interviewers. They seem to be reinventing themselves every time another interviewer asked them a question. They turned out to be ass-kissers in the interview. I think that’s terrible. I mean, they seem to be not sure of themselves or what they’ve got to offer. If I were the interviewer, I’d be second-guessing whether or not I can depend on them to do the job I’m hiring them for. I guess if you try to be everything to everyone, you lose the unique person that you are. Every time you change yourself or what you’re offering just to please people or whenever dismissal is looming in simply shows (for me) that you’re not clear about yourself, what you are offering and/or the value of it.
Anyway, they picked me for the job. Three of the interviewers pretty much liked me, the other two clearly did not. But I didn’t accept the job offer. Why? Just because.
Being on the receiving end of a shitty situation recently, I’ve realized that I still don’t care (and wouldn’t care) if people don’t like me. It’s safer that way as far as I’m concerned. It allows me to be true to myself and what I feel and that’s all that matters to me now. I can freely express myself regardless of what other people think or say. This is me, I’m clear about who I am and what I want and what I can do or offer to people. If people don’t like it, it’s okay. If they do, then good! 🙂 I don’t have to change for other people. If ever I will change, I’d have a pretty good reason for myself why I will.
Sometimes, it’s not easy to say no to people that we end up saying yes even if we don’t want to. Maybe it’s human nature, most of us don’t want to feel selfish by saying no, sometimes we just choose to be kind so we say yes. I’ve always believed I have all the right to say no without feeling guilty. As long as I say no in a nice way, I think that doesn’t make me a jerk. And when people don’t like me, it gives me more power to say no wherever and whenever I need to a lot easier.
One other good thing when people don’t like me is that I learn more about myself. It teaches me what I can become, what I can do, thus, giving me more self-confidence and other people’s influence become lesser.
Knowing that I’m worthy of other people’s energy is another good thing when people don’t like me. 😉 For them to be using their precious time talking about me probably means I’m somehow affecting them. Oh, that’s flattering! 😉
Bottom line is, I don’t really care if people like me or not. I make no apology for that. People usually love me or hate me all my life and I actually really love this about myself. Not everyone’s gonna like me and that’s okay. People’s judgments have no bearing on me, what they say about me is none of my business. I choose not to waste my time on people who don’t like me. I’m not on this earth for them. I’ll just continue doing my thing.
Happy day, homo sapiens!