Month: December 2018

Quote of the Week

There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.

~John Lennon

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Where My Heart Once Was

Last night I was packing,

I saw a picture of yours.

A good one.

A happy one.

Today I looked at it again.

I don’t miss you as much anymore.

But your face will always be

one of the few faces

seared in my mind forever.

I choose to remember

the good memories I have of you.

Tomorrow I may still bleed.

I may still cry.

I may still hope

to spend time with you again.

I may still remember the pain.

But I won’t lose myself again.

I’m reclaiming the void

where my heart once was.

Quote of the Week

My point is, when you love someone, when you care for someone, you have to do it through the good and the bad. Not just when you’re happy and it’s easy.

~Lauren Oliver

Betrayal

How do you murder friendship, kinship or any kind of relationships the fastest way?

Betrayal.

Betrayal is the fastest relationship killer. It can manifest in different ways, in different forms, in different acts, in different relationships, in different individuals. How people take advantage of other people for their own benefit at the expense of other people’s feelings, I don’t really understand. What’s worse about it is that,

“The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies.”

Yes, betrayal never comes from our enemies but from our friends, our colleagues, from people we love, from people who mean something to us, from people we trust. I can attest to that.

We all probably have experienced betrayal at least once in our lives. All of us have our own personal Judas perhaps.  And when it happens, the sting of the betrayal often leaves us appalled, hurt, broken and maybe clueless and unable how to move forward from that point on. On the other hand, the traitors will deny the act and even convince us that we misunderstood them. Moreover, many of these traitors would even justify their acts of betrayal.

Whatever relationship we have with the person who betrayed us, it often leaves us hurt and wounded deeply. We let our guards down whenever we start to be comfortable with people and we often realize it too late. As I grow in my understanding of relationships of any kind, those who love you or adore you at one point, can or will reject you any other day. People see things from different perspectives and we unintentionally disappoint each other sometimes.

Moreover, it hurts to know that you were betrayed because they can gain more from betraying you rather than staying true to you. Why would anyone do that for momentary benefit or comfort? I don’t know. What I do know, though, is that they’ve lost more than they know. They’ve lost more than what they thought they’ve gained.

It’s sad that this had to happen. I probably appear weak to them that they took advantage of it and I won’t be able to trust them once more. I’m in a place where as far as I’m concerned, there’s no point in trying again. Nothing ruins a relationship more than the realization that you can’t trust these people any longer. It’s an irreparable harm but something to learn from.

Quote of the Week

All you can do in life is to be who you are. Some people will love you for you. Most will love you for what you can do for them, and some won’t like you at all.

~Rita Mae Brown

If We Were Having Coffee #6

If we were having coffee…

… it is because I find it interesting talking and listening to you and because you did something that made me really happy.

If we were having coffee…

… I would tell you that you really have a contagious smile and that it’s fun spending time with you. I haven’t really laughed as much for a long time so thank you.

If we were having coffee…

… I would tell you that you’re a nice guy and you look innocent specially when you’re wearing your company uniform.

If we were having coffee…

… I would also thank you for the care, the love and the sweetness you have shown me. I do appreciate that, I really do. It’s not very often I meet people like you who shows genuine interest in me.

If we were having coffee…

… I would also have to tell you though that in as much as you try to prove your love for me and that your intentions are true, you have to understand that in as much as I am also interested in you, I’m sorry but I don’t, I can’t and I won’t date a married man.

A Six-Word Story

Should’ve probably kissed you much longer.

Surviving a Racist Workplace

For the past month or so, I have been deliberately thinking about getting out. I spend much of my time contemplating about the best way to leave not just the company I’m currently working at but out of Kuwait entirely.

There were a lot of changes that took place at work in the past couple of months and it’s very unfortunate that I have to work with racist superiors. It is very tempting to leave my position but it also puts me at an unfair advantage specially so that it wasn’t me who created an uncongenial workplace to begin with. 

I am the only female employee in my workplace and to disagree with the managers who have control over my job is tough. Having higher-ranked racist managers is even tougher. To be recently excluded from some of the benefits I used to enjoy since I started working here just because I’m not Korean is quite unacceptable, unreasonable and offensive after all these years of working my ass for the company specially the last year or so. 

For most of us, majority of our time is spent in the workplace. And at work, we don’t usually have a choice to go with a group we personally would want to work with. But we have a common goal and for a country and a company like this, we have to work in a very diverse working environment since much of its manpower are of a mixed race whether we like it or not. Personally, this is not a difficult thing to deal with as long as we all are treated fairly. However, working in a racially hostile environment is stressful and affects a person’s well-being. I’ve been working in the same company for the past seven years and racism was never an issue until very recently after all the changes that took place.

I personally find no excuse for people who say racist comments specially in the workplace. I don’t believe I should just swallow hurtful remarks. I take such things personally. I know it’s the other person’s issue and not mine but as I’ve mentioned, I take it very personal but I try to process it as healthily as I could.

I can’t help but speak up when I hear racist comments at work even when it is not directed to me or any other specific person. It is not okay because it makes everyone start thinking it is acceptable. If a comment hurts me, I feel the need to address this to the person who made the comment. It is difficult not to say anything and it may even imply that I agree with them. But speaking up puts my job at risk in return. And I have to consider the person’s authority over my job, too. I should be realistic of the consequences it will cause me but it’s not very easy to just shut up and pretend I don’t hear anything.

Sometimes, I just change the subject. However, this relies of course in the other person’s emotional intelligence. If they pick up the cue that I don’t agree with what they said, then it’s good. At times, they even apologize.

Some days, it’s nice to play dumb at racist jokes. Acting dumb and asking the person what his racist joke means often leaves them not being able to explain why it’s funny. It would need them to suggest a racist stereotype should they want to explain and when this happens, I’d be glad to ask the accuracy of such stereotyping and then it’s easy to pinpoint the racism in his joke.

I’m not sure how much longer I can manage to continue working here. When something’s wrong, it is really difficult to turn a blind eye. Apparently, to confront racism is a long haul. It is a slow process and takes a lot of patience. And mine is running out.

Quote of the Week

Perhaps it is true that we do not really exist until there is someone there to see us existing, we cannot properly speak until there is someone who can understand what we are saying in essence, we are not wholly alive until we are loved.

~Alain de Botton

Quote of the Week

Reading isn’t important because it helps to get you a job. It’s important because it gives you room to exist beyond the reality you’re given. It is how humans merge. How minds connect. Dreams. Empathy. Understanding. Escape.

~Matt Haig

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