Social media has made it possible for people to become friends to anyone around the globe merely through the click of a button. I think it’s generally a good thing. My need for friendship isn’t too much but once I decide to build one, I intend to make it genuine as much as I can. Somehow, maintaining friendships can be hard work but so worth it at the same time because our friendships are one of the most influential and essential parts of our life. Recently, I’ve been pondering quite often about my friends and friendships. The friends worth keeping and friendships worth saving. The fact of the matter is that, my social circle is quite noticeably shrinking. I don’t see that as a bad thing. I actually think I quite understand now what they mean with “less is more” and “quality over quantity.”
I first arrived in Kuwait on the 1st of March, 2009. I have a variety of friends back home but very few real ones. They’re some of the best people I’ve met. The kind of friends for keeps. A few weeks since, my friendships have changed a lot. I’ve met different people of different nationalities. Most of the friendships/connections built were situational. Most needed context to make sense. Some stayed longer while some had a shorter shelf life. I still do wish them well now but I don’t intend to reconnect. Luckily, I also get to meet a few that didn’t need any context but exist in any given situation, people who are always there during my ups and downs, stayed during my best and my worst days, the type that lasts.
Several times, I let go of a few friends while a few others let go of me as well. I didn’t think I was being selfish to let go of them just like that but mind you, it wasn’t always easy to put an end to it. However, given the world we live in and the values instilled in us, I knew it was necessary.
A couple of years afterwards, two of my closest friends abruptly ended our friendship. I first received a message from one of them telling me never to call her again and a few days later, I received pretty much the same message from the other. Sure I’ve made mistakes and dealt with things the wrong way. We had misunderstandings at times which is pretty normal in any relationships but why they suddenly wanted to end the friendship, until now, I still don’t fully understand.
Your peace is more important than driving yourself crazy trying to understand why something happened the way it did.
My heart ached. It really did. Breaking up with friends is just as painful as any other relationship break-ups there is. So after months of failing to know how I’ve wronged them, I stopped. I thought maybe knowing the answer may not satisfy me just the same and I don’t want to drive myself crazy thinking why. I just finally allowed the hurt to help me grow. It was sure a painful way to end an almost decade of friendship but I’ve decided to just let go and move on. I still sometimes think of them though and wonder, did they give up easily on me? Or did I give up easily on them?
I love my friends, really, I do. Friends are one of the most beautiful gifts of being alive. They help shape our lives one way or the other. They cheer, support, help and see the best in each other. Friendships that have depth and true understanding is one among the essential elements of a blessed life. And I feel blessed to have a handful of them. Interestingly enough, some of us drifted apart at some point for some reasons, both inevitable and necessary, but later found each other again and our bonds became stronger. Sadly though, not all our friends give us that good effect. Some lie. Some betray. Then it’s difficult to rebuild trust and loyalty once again. So sometimes it’s better that they end. And a lot of my friendships are meeting its end nowadays.
Whichever and however way we choose our friends/friendships, I think it’s vital that we offer a meaning in each other’s lives. It’s nice to think that we fulfill them and they fulfill us. My friends mean something to me in different ways and play different roles in my life. I do appreciate, value and respect each one of them. Be that as it may, I personally don’t find any reason to work on a friendship that leaves me unfulfilled. More so, friendships out of habit or obligation. That’s just not fair and friendships are voluntary so I think there’s nothing wrong in ending friendships that doesn’t suit you in a positive way anymore.
Sometimes, too, we just outgrow our friends. At some point we realize that they’re not good for us because they bring us down or whittle at our confidence every so often. Some friendships evolve with us, but some do not. I will not apologize for evolving closer to my true self and evolving past their comfort zones. We change as we age and grow. So I think it’s just right to let go of such friendships and accept that it’s over.
Other times, too, we have this friend who always swings the conversation back towards him/herself and has no interest in what we have to say. I’ve met a number of them kind and I just avoid them as much as I could and luckily, they themselves stop talking to me, too.
Moreover, there’s betrayal. As it is with all kinds of relationships, nothing could murder friendships faster than betrayal. It hurts a lot to be betrayed. It hurts all the more to end a friendship because of betrayal. I no longer see any point of saving a friendship when one betrays the other.
From time to time, psychological or emotional issues also become reasons why friends drift apart. It’s important that we maintain everything balanced in our friendships. Support for each other. Will to help in making each other better. Give and take. Trust. Unfortunately, there are times when these factors shift its balance and no longer serve one or the other in a worthwhile, beneficial, balanced or positive way. One typical example is a change in fortune among friends. The manner how we deal with situations like this isn’t always the same, thus, causing friends to drift apart. Where envy or jealousy didn’t exist before starts to gradually emerge. It’s nice to have friends who are always there when we are at our worst but I just don’t get them when they leave us in times when our fate changes for the better. (More of this on another entry.) So I suppose, it all boils down to who we pick as friends in the first place.
I’ve also met a lot of people who just befriend you because they need you. We don’t usually see this right away at the beginning of friendships but eventually, it shows. They take, take, take. And you give, give, give. Then they leave you. They build it when they need it, and break it when they don’t.
Here’s the thing, it is important to always try our best to see things from different perspectives before we make rush judgments whether to still keep these friends or completely cut our ties with them. After all, we all make mistakes. Some of us (myself included) don’t like to rely on anyone for anything to get us through life’s hardships but perhaps there’s nothing wrong in giving the friendship a second chance, be a bit forgiving and understanding maybe, because throwing away a friendship can’t be that easy. Every kind of friendship adds something to our lives, good or bad, it’s just up to us how we are going to let it affect us.
Maybe friendship isn’t necessarily always meant to be permanent. And maybe that is okay.
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True that.
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Sometimes paths get chosen for us especially when changes affect our daily lives, what we look for in life sometimes differ and there for we must accept the nature of it. Great piece just me 😎👍
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Thanks a lot for reading! And sharing your thoughts. 🙂 Thank you!
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Of course justme, thank you for willing to share that awesome piece with the world! 😎👍
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Nice post !
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Hey, thank you!😊☺️
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Wise to the brim! Well said!👌👌
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Thanks, Richa! Nice to know that from you.☺️
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I have had to be honest with myself too the past couple of years. I realized I was still cultivating dead plants persay.The friendships weren’t serving me much based on where I am in life. it is very uncomfortable especially when there is significant time attached to a friendship. I too, now only have a handful of people i’m connected to, even fewer I call “friends” but strangely I am way more at peace than when I was actively trying to remain part of larger groups with really unnecessary or troublesome people. Great post:)
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Thanks a lot for reading and sharing your thoughts about it! 😊😊 It seems like I can relate more to people here in WordPress than in the world I’m in now. 😉
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Reblogged this on Thriving Not Surviving and commented:
I love this perspective on friendship. He makes so many great points I just had to share!
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“maintaining friendships can be hard work but so worth”… Your whole post is spot on but this struck me more than anything. Friendship is work…Just like any relationship. You need to put effort in but you will reap the rewards! You also had good points about letting go of friends. Sometimes you move in different directions and it’s best to appreciate what you’ve had and let go instead of holding each other back. Thanks for sharing!
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Oh thanks so much for taking the time to read and share and your thoughts about it. I appreciate it a lot. Thank you. 😊
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You’re welcome. Thanks for the great post!
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😍
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Reblogged this on The Reluctant Poet and commented:
Come read JUST ME’S post – “On Friends – Friendships” and see if you agree??
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Thank you! 😊
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An excellent post that hits home for me. I have had a really good friend from childhood, who I lost touch with after having moved to Denmark from USA. We just failed to communicate over the years, which might have been an indication of our growing apart as adults. I waited for years for him to come and visit me, but I got the indication that his wife only wanted to visit European Capitals, and not necessarily Copenhagen, if that is, they ever were to travel over the “pond”. You had many fine points that told me a lot about myself and my expectations both for that particular friendship, as well as others in more recent times. A nice read, all in all.
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Oh, wow! I am humbled with your kind words! ☺️☺️☺️ thanks a lot for reading, knowing that someone could relate to me makes me feel good! Thank you! 😊😊😊
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Wow, you really made every points up to the mark. Loved it.😃😃😃
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Oh, thanks a lot, Shreya! 😊☺️😊 Thanks for your kind words, I appreciate that! 😊😊😊
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Your welcome dear
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Found this extremely real. Its as if you plucked the words from my mind. A friend of mine has been dealing with similar issues so thank you for helping me be a better friend 🙂
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Wow! It’s nice to know I’ve helped you in a way. Thank you! 😊😊😊
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Amen…You have to draw a line but you should not draw it too short or close to you…https://www.nearariver.com/friendship-bj-rae-eagle-encouraging-words/ BJ Rae, author, near a river, http://www.nearariver.com
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Have nominated you for the Sunshine blogger award. Kindly check my post today as for some reason try as I might your link is not getting highlighted . Best wishes😊
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Wow thanks! That’s so sweet of you! 😍
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It doesn’t matter how much different opinions we have, respect and loyalty matters if we wish to be good friends. Some people are not worthy to keep as friends if they are selfish and disloyal.
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😊👍
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Just popped in to thank you for liking my latest post.
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Good to read a long post from you. Nicely summed up.
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Hi Jeni! How have you been? It’s so nice to see your name liking my posts once again! I hope you’re doing well. And thank you for appreciating my writings! I am so delighted! Thank you! 😊😊😊
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My pleasure. I’m doing good. It’s nice to read your posts after a long time as well.😊😊
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Nice to know you’re doing good and thanks again! 😊
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