Social media has made it possible for people to become friends to anyone around the globe merely through the click of a button. I think it’s generally a good thing. My need for friendship isn’t too much but once I decide to build one, I intend to make it genuine as much as I can. Somehow, maintaining friendships can be hard work but so worth it at the same time because our friendships are one of the most influential and essential parts of our life. Recently, I’ve been pondering quite often about my friends and friendships. The friends worth keeping and friendships worth saving. The fact of the matter is that, my social circle is quite noticeably shrinking. I don’t see that as a bad thing. I actually think I quite understand now what they mean with “less is more” and “quality over quantity.”
I first arrived in Kuwait on the 1st of March, 2009. I have a variety of friends back home but very few real ones. They’re some of the best people I’ve met. The kind of friends for keeps. A few weeks since, my friendships have changed a lot. I’ve met different people of different nationalities. Most of the friendships/connections built were situational. Most needed context to make sense. Some stayed longer while some had a shorter shelf life. I still do wish them well now but I don’t intend to reconnect. Luckily, I also get to meet a few that didn’t need any context but exist in any given situation, people who are always there during my ups and downs, stayed during my best and my worst days, the type that lasts.
Several times, I let go of a few friends while a few others let go of me as well. I didn’t think I was being selfish to let go of them just like that but mind you, it wasn’t always easy to put an end to it. However, given the world we live in and the values instilled in us, I knew it was necessary.
A couple of years afterwards, two of my closest friends abruptly ended our friendship. I first received a message from one of them telling me never to call her again and a few days later, I received pretty much the same message from the other. Sure I’ve made mistakes and dealt with things the wrong way. We had misunderstandings at times which is pretty normal in any relationships but why they suddenly wanted to end the friendship, until now, I still don’t fully understand.
Your peace is more important than driving yourself crazy trying to understand why something happened the way it did.
My heart ached. It really did. Breaking up with friends is just as painful as any other relationship break-ups there is. So after months of failing to know how I’ve wronged them, I stopped. I thought maybe knowing the answer may not satisfy me just the same and I don’t want to drive myself crazy thinking why. I just finally allowed the hurt to help me grow. It was sure a painful way to end an almost decade of friendship but I’ve decided to just let go and move on. I still sometimes think of them though and wonder, did they give up easily on me? Or did I give up easily on them?
I love my friends, really, I do. Friends are one of the most beautiful gifts of being alive. They help shape our lives one way or the other. They cheer, support, help and see the best in each other. Friendships that have depth and true understanding is one among the essential elements of a blessed life. And I feel blessed to have a handful of them. Interestingly enough, some of us drifted apart at some point for some reasons, both inevitable and necessary, but later found each other again and our bonds became stronger. Sadly though, not all our friends give us that good effect. Some lie. Some betray. Then it’s difficult to rebuild trust and loyalty once again. So sometimes it’s better that they end. And a lot of my friendships are meeting its end nowadays.
Whichever and however way we choose our friends/friendships, I think it’s vital that we offer a meaning in each other’s lives. It’s nice to think that we fulfill them and they fulfill us. My friends mean something to me in different ways and play different roles in my life. I do appreciate, value and respect each one of them. Be that as it may, I personally don’t find any reason to work on a friendship that leaves me unfulfilled. More so, friendships out of habit or obligation. That’s just not fair and friendships are voluntary so I think there’s nothing wrong in ending friendships that doesn’t suit you in a positive way anymore.
Sometimes, too, we just outgrow our friends. At some point we realize that they’re not good for us because they bring us down or whittle at our confidence every so often. Some friendships evolve with us, but some do not. I will not apologize for evolving closer to my true self and evolving past their comfort zones. We change as we age and grow. So I think it’s just right to let go of such friendships and accept that it’s over.
Other times, too, we have this friend who always swings the conversation back towards him/herself and has no interest in what we have to say. I’ve met a number of them kind and I just avoid them as much as I could and luckily, they themselves stop talking to me, too.
Moreover, there’s betrayal. As it is with all kinds of relationships, nothing could murder friendships faster than betrayal. It hurts a lot to be betrayed. It hurts all the more to end a friendship because of betrayal. I no longer see any point of saving a friendship when one betrays the other.
From time to time, psychological or emotional issues also become reasons why friends drift apart. It’s important that we maintain everything balanced in our friendships. Support for each other. Will to help in making each other better. Give and take. Trust. Unfortunately, there are times when these factors shift its balance and no longer serve one or the other in a worthwhile, beneficial, balanced or positive way. One typical example is a change in fortune among friends. The manner how we deal with situations like this isn’t always the same, thus, causing friends to drift apart. Where envy or jealousy didn’t exist before starts to gradually emerge. It’s nice to have friends who are always there when we are at our worst but I just don’t get them when they leave us in times when our fate changes for the better. (More of this on another entry.) So I suppose, it all boils down to who we pick as friends in the first place.
I’ve also met a lot of people who just befriend you because they need you. We don’t usually see this right away at the beginning of friendships but eventually, it shows. They take, take, take. And you give, give, give. Then they leave you. They build it when they need it, and break it when they don’t.
Here’s the thing, it is important to always try our best to see things from different perspectives before we make rush judgments whether to still keep these friends or completely cut our ties with them. After all, we all make mistakes. Some of us (myself included) don’t like to rely on anyone for anything to get us through life’s hardships but perhaps there’s nothing wrong in giving the friendship a second chance, be a bit forgiving and understanding maybe, because throwing away a friendship can’t be that easy. Every kind of friendship adds something to our lives, good or bad, it’s just up to us how we are going to let it affect us.
Good friends are there when you need them. Fair-weather friends are only there when they need you. But it’s really nice to have the friends who are there when there’s really no need at all.
How do you murder friendship, kinship or any kind of relationships the fastest way?
Betrayal is the fastest relationship killer. It can manifest in different ways, in different forms, in different acts, in different relationships, in different individuals. How people take advantage of other people for their own benefit at the expense of other people’s feelings, I don’t really understand. What’s worse about it is that,
“The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies.”
Yes, betrayal never comes from our enemies but from our friends, our colleagues, from people we love, from people who mean something to us, from people we trust. I can attest to that.
We all probably have experienced betrayal at least once in our lives. All of us have our own personal Judas perhaps. And when it happens, the sting of the betrayal often leaves us appalled, hurt, broken and maybe clueless and unable how to move forward from that point on. On the other hand, the traitors will deny the act and even convince us that we misunderstood them. Moreover, many of these traitors would even justify their acts of betrayal.
Whatever relationship we have with the person who betrayed us, it often leaves us hurt and wounded deeply. We let our guards down whenever we start to be comfortable with people and we often realize it too late. As I grow in my understanding of relationships of any kind, those who love you or adore you at one point, can or will reject you any other day. People see things from different perspectives and we unintentionally disappoint each other sometimes.
Moreover, it hurts to know that you were betrayed because they can gain more from betraying you rather than staying true to you. Why would anyone do that for momentary benefit or comfort? I don’t know. What I do know, though, is that they’ve lost more than they know. They’ve lost more than what they thought they’ve gained.
It’s sad that this had to happen. I probably appear weak to them that they took advantage of it and I won’t be able to trust them once more. I’m in a place where as far as I’m concerned, there’s no point in trying again. Nothing ruins a relationship more than the realization that you can’t trust these people any longer. It’s an irreparable harm but something to learn from.
Day 2 of the Three Days, Three Quotes Challenge. Thanks again, Shreya!
- Thank the person who nominated you.
- Post a quote for three consecutive days.
- Nominate three other bloggers each day.
Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it’s all over.
Happy Tuesday, homo sapiens!
I never really thought there’s a Friendship Blogger Award thingy until I was nominated by Shreya who happens to be one of the friendliest bloggers I’ve interacted with here on WordPress. You can check out her blog here: https://readnewweb.wordpress.com/ Big thanks to Shreya for thinking of me! Haha! Cheers! I don’t really feel being quite friendly the past few weeks but interacting with Shreya and other bloggers here lift my mood when we get to interact with each other and discuss each other’s posts or anything that comes to mind.
This award was created/invented by Novus and this is for those we cherish here on WordPress, to show them affection and to offer them our friendship.
- Thank the blogger who nominated you in your blog post and a link to their blog.
- Nominate other bloggers to receive the award.
- List the rules and display the Friendship Blogger Award logo in your blog post.
I can nominate more because there’s a lot of you who deserve this award but I’m pretty busy, but consider yourselves nominated, too! Thanks again, Shreya!
Happy day, homo sapiens! 🙂
I no longer have the energy for meaningless friendships, forced interactions or unnecessary conversations. If we don’t vibrate in the same frequency, there’s just no reason for us to waste our time. I’d rather have no one and wait for substance than to not feel someone and fake the funk.
Hard to tell who’s who
but my friend no need to hide
the gay heart in you.
Friends can break your heart, too.
On Thursday night, my flatmates (1 guy and 2 gals) and I planned to go out on Friday morning just for breakfast, spend time by the sea and a little bit of road trip. I was skeptical about the plan because first, one of the girls is on graveyard shift, she’d definitely want to sleep once she comes home at around 6:30 AM. Next, the guy and the other girl would prefer to sleep on Friday morning rather than go out. And as for me, I don’t want to go to the sea. It’s definitely not my kind of thing.
Surprisingly, among us three at home that morning, I was the first to wake up. After half an hour or so, I’m still the only one awake and definitely ready to go out. Guess I was excited after all. 🙂
The gal who’s on a graveyard shift texted me and was asking if we’re ready because we have to pick her up at 6. So I tried calling the other two coz I don’t want to knock on their doors. So the guy woke up but the other gal decided not to go. And so the guy and I drove our way to the airport after some time to pick-up the other. And we got lost! Our home is very near the airport and we could have reached it in 5 minutes but instead arrived there more or less an hour late. But our roommate didn’t seem to mind because she even bought for us these delicious cinnamon rolls.
And so off we go for a place to eat.
We ended up here…
We had breakfast at Prime & Toast. It’s the only one we saw open at the time so we didn’t have a choice and our tummies are growling already.
Afterwards, we went inside the Movenpick Hotel and had a view of the sea from there. I was thankful for the really hot weather at the time because my flatmates gave up on going to the seaside! 🙂
Afterwards, we drove for a few more minutes and went back home because it’s becoming scorchingly hot again. Temperatures here in Kuwait these days is still between 42°C – 48°C though it feels hotter than that.
Anyhow, it was a wonderful Friday morning with my flatmates. I don’t normally go out on Friday mornings because I prefer spending it in the comfort of my bed but it’s nice doing something else once in a while.
Sometimes your circle decreases in size, but increases in value.