7 Things I’ve Learned from a 7-Year Interracial Relationship

Let me preface by saying that I’m not an expert about this topic and I’m writing this based only on my own experience. I have never dated anyone outside my race before the 7-year relationship I had with an Arab guy. I remember telling my mom when I was younger that I’m never gonna date a foreigner but I did and the relationship went pretty serious and splendid actually, but then I guess, some good things just never last.

Each of us has an idea of what love is but it isn’t always as easy at it seems, is it? Sure, any relationship have its own challenges to face, however, though an interracial relationship can be just as rewarding, it comes with additional baggage. While the magic works for some, it may be a little bit complicated for the others.  And whether it works or it doesn’t, there’s always something to learn from it.

1. Families can end it all.

Sad but true. It’s not that he didn’t stand up for me but well, I guess, there’s nothing more I could do at that time but to let him go because arrangements were made on certain things already here and there so yes, families can end it all. There were haunting regrets at first of course why we didn’t try harder, why I didn’t do this or why I didn’t do that but eventually, I’ve realized there’s nothing more I can really do about it anymore, really. They’re family and I can’t and I don’t want to fight them. Blood after all is still thicker than water.

2. Each and everyone is a lot more than their race.

Every culture has its own intricacies and nuances and yes, it’s not always easy accepting these things. It’s important to keep an attitude where no one culture is better than the other. It’s important to remember that you both are unique individuals and that cultural differences shouldn’t define your relationship. To belong to different races means that we have different experiences and different things to learn from and about. We should learn to accept and appreciate each other alongside our cultural differences. We can always be ourselves so it’s important to be honest about your views and opinions about everything. Moreover, it’s important to always listen to what the other has to say. There’s so much to learn and gain from listening to each other. I became more aware of things this way.

3. It’s not just about sex.

While sex can be an important part of many relationships, I still believe that it shouldn’t be regarded as a primary reason for a relationship to work. I know a lot of people who link love and sex together but the truth is, sex doesn’t mean the person loves you. And how someone performs sexually should not be based on what race they are from.

4. Love doesn’t/can’t conquer all.

I guess this notion has duped us for quite too long. It’s just not true. True enough we were madly in love with each other but there were times that we’d also fight. We’d make up and feel like our love for each other makes us solve our issues but when I look at it more, none of our issues were actually resolved. We’d fight about the same thing after some time. Eventually, this somehow contributed to the breakup. If we don’t get to work our asses off for a relationship to work, it will definitely fall apart. We shouldn’t depend on love alone because love won’t save us all the time. Love is necessary. It’s a strong force but it’s not enough.

5. You only have to answer for each other.

Many people including my friends and family have something to say about our relationship but how we feel about each other and how we decide to progress in our relationship should always and should only be decided by no one else but the both of us. Easier said than done but once I’ve learned that the more I let others interfere and decide for me, it ruins the relationship. It’s essential to make a commitment to deal with problems as a couple and don’t let others’ opinions matter. Who I’m dating is no one’s business but my own. It taught me a great deal that when it comes to who I’m dating or who I become involved with is solely my own business and no one else’s. I don’t feel the need to explain to anyone why I dated an Arab guy for that matter.

6. It’s not always easy.

Well, if you haven’t realized it yet, it isn’t always easy maintaining and making a relationship work. And I find this harder when I dated someone outside my race. I needed to learn to understand and be familiar with my partner, his body language or even the way he talks. I also learned to compromise. And it takes a lot of patience. I’ve lost count of how many stereotypes and insults I’ve seen with regards to interracial couples and one of the worst in my case was when someone commented that I’m dating this Arab guy for his money. I’ve always believed that a man is not a financial plan. I can finance myself, thank you very much and so I’ve mastered long enough to just ignore such comments.

7. It’s not that big a deal.

For some, questions like what their parents will think or feel about the relationship is a big factor, but not all. I’ve been asked this question a hundred times and sure it was something my parents, my brothers and I didn’t quite agree on at some point in the beginning but then again, they’ve never quite agree to every guy I’ve dated before. Haha! 😁 So at the end of the day, dating someone outside your race need not to be a big deal, really. It’s just a normal relationship in most ways.

Every relationship is different and race wasn’t really an issue for us at that time. When it did, it ruined us, unfortunately. I’ve learned lessons the hard way but there’s nothing I’d ever regret. We were just two people who loved each other… then. I’m still glad it happened.

Happy day, homo sapiens! 🙂

Just Me and Some Lessons Learned

Guess what? I think it’s the best time of the year to give my readers that chance to get to know a little bit more about Just_Me, yes, that’s me! Today’s post will be a minute of random facts about me and some lessons I’ve learned in the past twelve months. Here we go…

1. I am a big fan of Roger Federer. I love Roger! 😍🎾

2. I can play the drums and it’s the only musical instrument I can play.🥁

3. I love to sing but I’m way, way, way out of tune.🎤👩‍🎤

4. I’m not comfortable on the beach, on a river, lake or whatever bodies of water. I’m not afraid of water, just not comfortable with it.

5. I have a bad habit of overthinking things waaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy tooooooo mooooooore than I should. 🤔😔

6. I am frequently misunderstood.

7. I can be wickedly sarcastic.

8. I’m a rebel. (Even just for the hell of it!)

9. I’ve tried meditation several times for the past one and a half years but failed. I think I need  more time.

10. I don’t have an appendix since I was 13.

11. I fell from a horse when I was 14.

12. I like Game of Thrones and House of Cards.

13. I’m a fan of X-Men (specially Wolverine/Logan!) and The Lord of the Rings.

14. I have a bachelor’s degree in Accounting.

15. I do not wear make-up.

16. I always wake up 10 or 15 minutes earlier before my alarm. ⏰

17. I love beer/alcohol and I don’t easily get drunk. 🍺🍻🍸🍾🍷🥂

18. I drink coffee like it’s my job and I want it black and no sugar. ☕️☕️☕️

19. I can eat a jar of peanut butter.

20. I’m a big fan of solo travel. ✈️🚕🚇

21. My dream job was to be a lawyer. But I really wanted to be a singer/performer, too!

22. I’d choose vegetables over meat.

23. I feel very much at home in libraries.

24. I’ve been keeping a diary since grade school though I don’t really write every single day. Since 2009 though, I made it a point to write daily and I was consistent with it until some time last year where I stopped for a while and continued again after a couple of months. I’ve decided to stop writing though since the new year.

25. I would love to do volunteer works in Africa or anywhere I haven’t been to.

26. I enjoy reading and I have more than 50 books unread on my shelf. I like historical fiction and surreal works like the books of  Haruki Murakami. 📚📚

27. I don’t like being late.

28. I’m almost always open to trying something new.

29. I love food. Food is life.

30. I don’t know how to save/control my own money so my mom does it all for me. 💰💰💰

31. I like long hours of travel.

32. Today is my birthday. 😊😜🤭🤫

And some lessons that I’ve notably learned this past year are:

1. Even the seemingly perfect relationships end.

2. Letting go of whatever painful baggage we’re holding onto allows us to feel better, be better and it makes us stronger.

3. Talking to strangers is one of the best ways to meet wonderful people.

4. Change is always possible, any time, any moment.

5. Embrace rejection.

6. Forgive everyone everything.

7. I’ve loved. And that’s all that matters.

8. The only people we need in life are those who want us to be in theirs.

9. Mean words can scar a person for life.

10. Some people can stay in our hearts, sure, but not in our lives.

There you go… I also feel like I’m in the mood to answer questions today so if you have any, feel free to ask in the comment section.

Enjoy the day, homo sapiens! 🙂

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