Loving Someone We Can’t Have

Perhaps it’s human nature to want something or someone we can’t have. From little things to big ones, sometimes, there’s this something that we want but just can’t have. The same thing goes with people. Let’s be honest, there is (or there was) this someone we’ve been wanting to be with but can’t, right?

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about my crazy heart, it’s that it never gets to choose who to love. Never. It just, well, I don’t know. It just loves. Sometimes we’re lucky to be loved in return but other times, not so. We sometimes get into this sadder kind of love. We fall for people who don’t love us the same way. Or don’t love us at all.

When this sad moment happens to us, our worlds just seem to stop. It cuts us deep.  We feel helpless. Our lives are shattered. Our minds are warped. Our hearts hurt. Our souls in pieces.  So what do we do?

We all have different ways of dealing with matters of the heart like the pain of loving someone we can’t have. I’ve experienced this just once but it took me quite a while to put myself together and get through it. But I did! So I’m sharing it with you and feel free to share yours, too, in the comment section.

Sulk.

Allow yourself to sulk for some time. Feel the pain of that unrequited love. Cry if you must. You can cry only so long then you have to do something else with your time. Acknowledging and feeling the pain is important before you get past it.

Write it down.

Writing every single emotion you feel, even the littlest of feelings, can help you feel better and heal faster, big time! Once you are able to write it all down, you get a clearer picture of what exactly you’re going through.

Acceptance.

Accept the fact that they don’t love you the same way or that they can’t reciprocate the love you have for them. Once you accept that fact, you’re headed to the right path. It would be easier to go on living even when you’re the only one loving them.

Find a hobby.

Find something you love to do and as much as possible, something unrelated to that person. It won’t be very easy to stop your mind from thinking about that person but once you engage yourself deeply in creative or enjoyable hobbies, you gradually become less obsessed with the person and focus your mind elsewhere.

Enjoy whatever time you spend together.

Whatever/However you spend time together, keep in mind to focus on the good times, the good conversations, the good jokes, the good laughs, the good whatevers. Always only the good points. Enjoy the moment and don’t ask for more.

Go on dates with other people.

Since it happened, I haven’t dated anyone so I’m not very sure if this works but perhaps yes because you’ll be focusing your attention on other people. But it’s important to keep in mind not to look for this person from the other person you’re dating. That’s just not fair.

Protect yourself/your feelings.

If I were in this situation two, three years ago or so, I wouldn’t consider being friends with the person. But things change and so do people. So did I. Hence I’d say, it’s okay to be friends with this person. Keep the friendship. Be there for them when they need you without crushing your heart, of course. Be there when they need a helping hand but when things get difficult to handle, tell them or just leave.

Exercise.

Exercising contributes to emotional balance so do some workouts, walk, jog, or run. Play sports. You’d be shooting two birds at the same time — it removes the negativity in your mind and helps you stay fit.

Don’t be angry.

The thing is, I never get to learn how to be angry with this person. And I find that a good thing. So I’d say try to remember all the happy times you’re together, the wonderful times you’ve shared. I personally think there’s no point getting angry at someone because love didn’t grow in their hearts. I’m content and happy that love grew in mine. So be glad, it grew in yours, too.

Quote of the Week

Self-care is not selfish or self-indulgent. We cannot nurture others from a dry well. We need to take care of our own needs first.

~Jennifer Loudon

Quote of the Week

In everyone’s life there are people who stay and people who go and people who are taken against their will.

~Karen Joy Fowler

A Six-Word Story

Constant struggle not to miss you.

Quote of the Week

You have to let go of what could have been, how you should have acted and what you wish you would have said differently. You have to accept that you can’t change the past experiences, opinions of others at that moment in time or outcomes from their choices or yours. When you finally recognize that truth then you will understand the true meaning of forgiveness of yourself and others. From this point you will finally be free.

~Shannon L. Alder

Quote of the Week

Wherever your life ends, it is all there. The advantage of living is not measured by length, but by use; some men have lived long, and lived little; attend to it while you are in it.

~Michel de Montaigne

A Six-Word Story

I’m quite honestly best without you.

Quote of the Week

Sometimes when you’re in a dark place you think you’ve been buried, but actually you’ve been planted.

~Christine Caine

Heaven

You

are a

piece of heaven

to me here on

earth.

Quote of the Week

You are the only person who is in charge of how you feel about yourself. Nobody else can possibly do that. You get to decide if you believe you are beautiful or not, and nobody can take it away from you. If someone suggests that you aren’t beautiful, you can consider how sad it is that they have such a limited view of beauty. You can consider how unfortunate it is that they have such an exaggerated sense of self-importance that they think you should care about what they think. You can also choose to realize that it has nothing at all to do with your beauty and everything to do with their limitations.

~Ragen Chastain

Quote of the Week

Everyone who tells a story tells it differently, just to remind us that everybody sees it differently.

~Jeanette Winterson

Suffocating

How

suffocating memories

could be by

just simply hearing your

name.

Quote of the Week

Not everything is supposed to become beautiful and long-lasting. Sometimes people come into your life to show you what is right and what is wrong, to show you who you can be, to teach you to love yourself, to make you feel better for a little while, or to just be someone to walk with at night and spill your life to. Not everyone is going to stay forever, and we still have to keep on going and thank them for what they’ve given us.

~Emery Allen

A Six-Word Story

They were never given a chance.

I Shouldn’t

Breaking

my own

heart because of

expecting too much but

shouldn’t.

Quote of the Week

To make the right choices in life, you have to get in touch with your soul. To do this, you need to experience solitude, which most people are afraid of, because in the silence you hear the truth and know the solutions.

~Deepak Chopra

Quote of the Week

Believe me, every heart has its secret sorrows, which the world knows not, and oftentimes we call a man cold, when he is only sad.

~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Quote of the Week

When you do something noble and beautiful and nobody noticed, do not be sad. For the sun every morning is a beautiful spectacle and yet most of the audience still sleeps.

~John Lennon

Quote of the Week

We are sun and moon, dear friend; we are sea and land. It is not our purpose to become each other; it is to recognize each other, to learn to see the other and honor him for what he is: each the other’s opposite and complement.

~Hermann Hesse

Quote of the Week

You should never have to look for evidence that someone loves you. True love is crystal clear.

~Mandy Hale

Quote of the Week

It is good to love as much as one can, for therein lies true strength, and he who loves much does much and is capable of much, and that which is done with love is well done.

~Vincent van Gogh

Quote of the Week

Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.

~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Quote of the Week

It is okay to be at a place of struggle. Struggle is just another word for growth. Even the most evolved beings find themselves in a place of struggle now and then. In fact, struggle is a sure sign to them that they are expanding; it is their indication of real and important progress. The only one who doesn’t struggle is the one who doesn’t grow. So if you are struggling right now, see it as a terrific sign — and celebrate your struggle.

~Neale Donald Walsch

Quote of the Week

It’s not just other people we need to forgive. We also need to forgive ourselves. For all the things we didn’t do. All the things we should have done.

~Mitch Albom

Quote of the Week

Sorry is not enough.

Sometimes you actually have to change.

~Meredith Walters