Quote of the Week

The best relationships in our lives are the best not because they have been the happiest ones, they are that way because they have stayed strong through the most tormentful of storms.

~Pandora Poikilos

Quote of the Week

Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.

~William James

7 Things I’ve Learned from a 7-Year Interracial Relationship

Let me preface by saying that I’m not an expert about this topic and I’m writing this based only on my own experience. I have never dated anyone outside my race before the 7-year relationship I had with an Arab guy. I remember telling my mom when I was younger that I’m never gonna date a foreigner but I did and the relationship went pretty serious and splendid actually, but then I guess, some good things just never last.

Each of us has an idea of what love is but it isn’t always as easy at it seems, is it? Sure, any relationship have its own challenges to face, however, though an interracial relationship can be just as rewarding, it comes with additional baggage. While the magic works for some, it may be a little bit complicated for the others.  And whether it works or it doesn’t, there’s always something to learn from it.

1. Families can end it all.

Sad but true. It’s not that he didn’t stand up for me but well, I guess, there’s nothing more I could do at that time but to let him go because arrangements were made on certain things already here and there so yes, families can end it all. There were haunting regrets at first of course why we didn’t try harder, why I didn’t do this or why I didn’t do that but eventually, I’ve realized there’s nothing more I can really do about it anymore, really. They’re family and I can’t and I don’t want to fight them. Blood after all is still thicker than water.

2. Each and everyone is a lot more than their race.

Every culture has its own intricacies and nuances and yes, it’s not always easy accepting these things. It’s important to keep an attitude where no one culture is better than the other. It’s important to remember that you both are unique individuals and that cultural differences shouldn’t define your relationship. To belong to different races means that we have different experiences and different things to learn from and about. We should learn to accept and appreciate each other alongside our cultural differences. We can always be ourselves so it’s important to be honest about your views and opinions about everything. Moreover, it’s important to always listen to what the other has to say. There’s so much to learn and gain from listening to each other. I became more aware of things this way.

3. It’s not just about sex.

While sex can be an important part of many relationships, I still believe that it shouldn’t be regarded as a primary reason for a relationship to work. I know a lot of people who link love and sex together but the truth is, sex doesn’t mean the person loves you. And how someone performs sexually should not be based on what race they are from.

4. Love doesn’t/can’t conquer all.

I guess this notion has duped us for quite too long. It’s just not true. True enough we were madly in love with each other but there were times that we’d also fight. We’d make up and feel like our love for each other makes us solve our issues but when I look at it more, none of our issues were actually resolved. We’d fight about the same thing after some time. Eventually, this somehow contributed to the breakup. If we don’t get to work our asses off for a relationship to work, it will definitely fall apart. We shouldn’t depend on love alone because love won’t save us all the time. Love is necessary. It’s a strong force but it’s not enough.

5. You only have to answer for each other.

Many people including my friends and family have something to say about our relationship but how we feel about each other and how we decide to progress in our relationship should always and should only be decided by no one else but the both of us. Easier said than done but once I’ve learned that the more I let others interfere and decide for me, it ruins the relationship. It’s essential to make a commitment to deal with problems as a couple and don’t let others’ opinions matter. Who I’m dating is no one’s business but my own. It taught me a great deal that when it comes to who I’m dating or who I become involved with is solely my own business and no one else’s. I don’t feel the need to explain to anyone why I dated an Arab guy for that matter.

6. It’s not always easy.

Well, if you haven’t realized it yet, it isn’t always easy maintaining and making a relationship work. And I find this harder when I dated someone outside my race. I needed to learn to understand and be familiar with my partner, his body language or even the way he talks. I also learned to compromise. And it takes a lot of patience. I’ve lost count of how many stereotypes and insults I’ve seen with regards to interracial couples and one of the worst in my case was when someone commented that I’m dating this Arab guy for his money. I’ve always believed that a man is not a financial plan. I can finance myself, thank you very much and so I’ve mastered long enough to just ignore such comments.

7. It’s not that big a deal.

For some, questions like what their parents will think or feel about the relationship is a big factor, but not all. I’ve been asked this question a hundred times and sure it was something my parents, my brothers and I didn’t quite agree on at some point in the beginning but then again, they’ve never quite agree to every guy I’ve dated before. Haha! 😁 So at the end of the day, dating someone outside your race need not to be a big deal, really. It’s just a normal relationship in most ways.

Every relationship is different and race wasn’t really an issue for us at that time. When it did, it ruined us, unfortunately. I’ve learned lessons the hard way but there’s nothing I’d ever regret. We were just two people who loved each other… then. I’m still glad it happened.

Happy day, homo sapiens! 🙂

The (Saturday) Six-Word Story Prompt #5 – Betrayal

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Shweta’s prompt for week #5: BETRAYAL

Undoubtedly the most certain relationship killer.

https://thesoulsearchersite.wordpress.com/2019/09/28/saturday-six-word-story-prompt-6wsp-5-september-28-2019/

Quote of the Week

When we invest ourselves in deep personal relationships, we take a risk. We could always get hurt. The more we expose ourselves, the greater the potential for pain. No one can hurt us like someone we’ve trusted with our heart. No one.

~Dave Earley

Quote of the Week

If you spend your time hoping someone will suffer the consequences for what they did to your heart, then you’re allowing them to hurt you a second time in your mind.

~Shannon L. Alder

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Love, perhaps, is the most wonderful thing in the world. Love is what makes us smile, it’s what makes us sing or dance. Love is what makes us human. And love makes life worth living.

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Valentine’s Day is that time of the year where the world is split into two: first, those with partners or are in a relationship and second, the singles. (Which group are you in this year?) We were in either group at certain points in our lives, and in which group were we happier, each of us has our answers.

Well, whether you’re single or in a relationship, Valentine’s Day tends to get the better or worse of people. That secret yearning in us to be loved. And what best way to celebrate such concept but to create a holiday that is best represented by worldwide commercialism.

So the best girl gets the flowers, the sweetest chocolates, the most memorable candle-lit dinner dates, and if she’s lucky, the ring! We are all suckers for romance and for the very few men who really look forward to this day to be able to express their love, oh, you rock! But then again, love is much deeper than that. We can always express our love at any given day, at any given moment. Why limit ourselves expressing our love for just one day out of 365?  Why not make everyday Valentine’s day?

Moreover, this commercialism has gone way too far that it makes us feel incomplete to be on our own on Hearts Day. When we don’t have to feel that way, we shouldn’t feel that way. Singles don’t have to be miserable on V-Day. There are a lot of things to enjoy and that includes being single.

Anyhow, I’m not sure exactly why I’m writing this today so I better stop. Love is such a crazy thing, I guess. It’s a beautiful, crazy thing. It’s magical. It’s complex. It’s different for everyone. But whether you’re single or in a relationship, I hope you feel loved.

Happy Hearts Day, homo sapiens! ❤️

Quote of the Week

You don’t fall in love with someone because it’s convenient.

~Harriet Evans

In Bed

In bed you and I

Sweet kisses and caresses

We start making love.

Betrayal

How do you murder friendship, kinship or any kind of relationships the fastest way?

Betrayal.

Betrayal is the fastest relationship killer. It can manifest in different ways, in different forms, in different acts, in different relationships, in different individuals. How people take advantage of other people for their own benefit at the expense of other people’s feelings, I don’t really understand. What’s worse about it is that,

“The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies.”

Yes, betrayal never comes from our enemies but from our friends, our colleagues, from people we love, from people who mean something to us, from people we trust. I can attest to that.

We all probably have experienced betrayal at least once in our lives. All of us have our own personal Judas perhaps.  And when it happens, the sting of the betrayal often leaves us appalled, hurt, broken and maybe clueless and unable how to move forward from that point on. On the other hand, the traitors will deny the act and even convince us that we misunderstood them. Moreover, many of these traitors would even justify their acts of betrayal.

Whatever relationship we have with the person who betrayed us, it often leaves us hurt and wounded deeply. We let our guards down whenever we start to be comfortable with people and we often realize it too late. As I grow in my understanding of relationships of any kind, those who love you or adore you at one point, can or will reject you any other day. People see things from different perspectives and we unintentionally disappoint each other sometimes.

Moreover, it hurts to know that you were betrayed because they can gain more from betraying you rather than staying true to you. Why would anyone do that for momentary benefit or comfort? I don’t know. What I do know, though, is that they’ve lost more than they know. They’ve lost more than what they thought they’ve gained.

It’s sad that this had to happen. I probably appear weak to them that they took advantage of it and I won’t be able to trust them once more. I’m in a place where as far as I’m concerned, there’s no point in trying again. Nothing ruins a relationship more than the realization that you can’t trust these people any longer. It’s an irreparable harm but something to learn from.

If We Were Having Coffee #6

If we were having coffee…

… it is because I find it interesting talking and listening to you and because you did something that made me really happy.

If we were having coffee…

… I would tell you that you really have a contagious smile and that it’s fun spending time with you. I haven’t really laughed as much for a long time so thank you.

If we were having coffee…

… I would tell you that you’re a nice guy and you look innocent specially when you’re wearing your company uniform.

If we were having coffee…

… I would also thank you for the care, the love and the sweetness you have shown me. I do appreciate that, I really do. It’s not very often I meet people like you who shows genuine interest in me.

If we were having coffee…

… I would also have to tell you though that in as much as you try to prove your love for me and that your intentions are true, you have to understand that in as much as I am also interested in you, I’m sorry but I don’t, I can’t and I won’t date a married man.

Sometimes I Wish We Never Met

You were smart, cool and sweet. You’re a breath of fresh air. You’re everything any girl would’ve wanted. Never in my wildest dreams did I think we’d go farther than being friends. But I wanted you in my life. You were my muse. You showed me another positive side of life. Eventually, I trusted you. Then, I loved you.

But what could have happened if we just never met?

Quite certainly, I would’ve saved myself from a tremendous heartache. Did you come in my life to teach me a lesson? If so, I wish you were a lesson I didn’t have to learn. Things weren’t so perfect when you came but I was okay. Still, you were there to cheer me up. Made me look at life from a different view. Said things are going to turn quite well. You offered me wisdom. You helped me become whole again.

Then you broke me just the same.

I’ve been contemplating for a very long time now if you were ever worth the love and time I gave you. Was the joy I felt with you worth this pain? Was it wrong to break my rules for you? Was I so naive to think that I meant something to you? Was it wrong that I trusted you? Or was I a fool for loving you?

If I could turn back time to the night we first kissed and change it all, I will. If only I knew that you’d give me more pain than joy, I would have left it all the way it once were. If only I knew you’d leave me for little mishaps and uncertainties, I shouldn’t have let things went too far.

Perhaps it’s true that everyone we meet in our lives come for a purpose or a reason. None of it is a coincidence. None of it a mistake. It’s been some time now since you did what you did and I’m trying to put them all past me. But some days, it all just comes back, reopens the wound you left me and hurts like hell again.

That is why sometimes, I wish we never met.

I’m Counting…

… from five to one as I hold you tight in my heart and in my mind, one last time because…

Five. I want to stop thinking I’m worthless because you left me hanging just like that. I refuse to be seen just the way you see or think of me because you never really bothered to know me.

Four. I wish to say your name again without feeling sad, without feeling hurt. I want to say your name again like it never meant anything at all.

Three. I have to stop replaying the day we first met. The night we first kissed. I want to stop thinking what could’ve been if I just left it at hello. I want to learn to accept everything that happened and why it was too easy for you to just end it that way.

Two. I want to stop avoiding my life because of the past. I want to go spend time in a cafe, restaurant or anywhere without the fear of running into you.

One. I need to accept that it’s my fault all of these happened. Trust has failed me many times in the past but I still chose to trust you then. And I will still continue to trust that someday, I will meet someone who will choose to stay.

And now, I’m letting go…

Quote of the Week

Not everything is supposed to become something beautiful and long-lasting. Sometimes people come into your life to show you what is right and what is wrong, to show you who you can be, to teach you to love yourself, to make you feel better for a little while, or to just be someone to walk with at night and spill your life to. Not everyone is going to stay forever, and we still have to keep on going and thank them for what they’ve given us.

-Emery Allen

Three Days, Three Quotes Challenge #1 – Quote #3

Third and last day of the Three Days, Three Quotes Challenge and once again, thank you Shreya! Looking forward to the next challenges! 😉

The Rules:

  1. Thank the person who nominated you.
  2. Post a quote for three consecutive days.
  3. Nominate three other bloggers each day.

Some people we just outgrow. Relationships might end with no real explanation as to why. And when that happens, respect the shift. Honor the growth and understand that not all roots can stay planted in the same soil forever.

-Alex Elle

The Nominees:

Shayra

Sohair

Avni

Happy Wednesday, homo sapiens!

Just Me and Some Lessons Learned

Guess what? I think it’s the best time of the year to give my readers that chance to get to know a little bit more about Just_Me, yes, that’s me! Today’s post will be a minute of random facts about me and some lessons I’ve learned in the past twelve months. Here we go…

1. I am a big fan of Roger Federer. I love Roger! 😍🎾

2. I can play the drums and it’s the only musical instrument I can play.🥁

3. I love to sing but I’m way, way, way out of tune.🎤👩‍🎤

4. I’m not comfortable on the beach, on a river, lake or whatever bodies of water. I’m not afraid of water, just not comfortable with it.

5. I have a bad habit of overthinking things waaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy tooooooo mooooooore than I should. 🤔😔

6. I am frequently misunderstood.

7. I can be wickedly sarcastic.

8. I’m a rebel. (Even just for the hell of it!)

9. I’ve tried meditation several times for the past one and a half years but failed. I think I need  more time.

10. I don’t have an appendix since I was 13.

11. I fell from a horse when I was 14.

12. I like Game of Thrones and House of Cards.

13. I’m a fan of X-Men (specially Wolverine/Logan!) and The Lord of the Rings.

14. I have a bachelor’s degree in Accounting.

15. I do not wear make-up.

16. I always wake up 10 or 15 minutes earlier before my alarm. ⏰

17. I love beer/alcohol and I don’t easily get drunk. 🍺🍻🍸🍾🍷🥂

18. I drink coffee like it’s my job and I want it black and no sugar. ☕️☕️☕️

19. I can eat a jar of peanut butter.

20. I’m a big fan of solo travel. ✈️🚕🚇

21. My dream job was to be a lawyer. But I really wanted to be a singer/performer, too!

22. I’d choose vegetables over meat.

23. I feel very much at home in libraries.

24. I’ve been keeping a diary since grade school though I don’t really write every single day. Since 2009 though, I made it a point to write daily and I was consistent with it until some time last year where I stopped for a while and continued again after a couple of months. I’ve decided to stop writing though since the new year.

25. I would love to do volunteer works in Africa or anywhere I haven’t been to.

26. I enjoy reading and I have more than 50 books unread on my shelf. I like historical fiction and surreal works like the books of  Haruki Murakami. 📚📚

27. I don’t like being late.

28. I’m almost always open to trying something new.

29. I love food. Food is life.

30. I don’t know how to save/control my own money so my mom does it all for me. 💰💰💰

31. I like long hours of travel.

32. Today is my birthday. 😊😜🤭🤫

And some lessons that I’ve notably learned this past year are:

1. Even the seemingly perfect relationships end.

2. Letting go of whatever painful baggage we’re holding onto allows us to feel better, be better and it makes us stronger.

3. Talking to strangers is one of the best ways to meet wonderful people.

4. Change is always possible, any time, any moment.

5. Embrace rejection.

6. Forgive everyone everything.

7. I’ve loved. And that’s all that matters.

8. The only people we need in life are those who want us to be in theirs.

9. Mean words can scar a person for life.

10. Some people can stay in our hearts, sure, but not in our lives.

There you go… I also feel like I’m in the mood to answer questions today so if you have any, feel free to ask in the comment section.

Enjoy the day, homo sapiens! 🙂

Someone Else

He left against her will but told her to wait for him.

She waited and endlessly hoped for him to return.

A couple of years later he asked her to follow him instead.

She hesitated for it’s not easy to give up the life she created for herself.

But she followed him just the same willing to start a new life again.

Soon they were together.

But her happiness and excitement was short-lived.

For in front of her eyes was someone else.

Someone else is the source of his happiness.

A Six-Word Story

Happy ending? When we finally ended.

Loving Someone

It’s so easy to love someone when everything’s perfect and wonderful. When everything is going right, when everything go the way you want them to. But some days, things get difficult, mistakes are made, things are messed up, things aren’t perfect. It’s during these days that we see how much love there really is.

Sure, anyone can love someone who do all the right things and say the words we want to hear. Anyone can love someone who are being everything you want or need. But how about loving someone when they’re at their lowest? When they’re broken, when they’re lost? When they’re at their worst? It would really be a very good thing to have someone who is willing and happy to stand with you no matter how challenging things may get or how difficult you might be.

And I think that’s the more beautiful and meaningful kind of love there is…

Quote of the Week

We demand closure as though our lives were put together as neatly as novels, but the fact of the matter is they’re not. In real life, relationships are messy and poorly written, ending too early or too late, and sometimes in the middle of a sentence.

-Beau Taplin

All the Ugly and Beautiful Things by Bryn Greenwood

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Book #4.

I am a big fan of relationships between unlikely people and this book captured my attention from the beginning and saw me through to the very last page.

Wavonna “Wavy” Quinn is the daughter of a meth dealer and she knows that she shouldn’t trust anybody even her parents. She is selectively mute and acts as a parent to her younger brother, Donal, even at a very young age. She struggles but she is very responsible. Several times while reading, my heart ached for Wavy and her brother for they never had the chance of a normal childhood. And then came Kellen. And everything changed from there.

I personally think that the book is beautifully written. The alternating viewpoints is one of the things I like most about this read for it seems to be so effortless for Ms. Greenwood because it did not, in any way, disrupt the flow of the story. It’s also for this reason that I’m looking forward to more of her works.

On the other hand, I am not sure I can recommend this book to everyone even though it’s beautifully-written. Several themes here would require a mature mind I guess to appreciate the book as a whole. However, it will make you pause and reconsider and somehow for me, I was left asking when is love appropriate then? And how?

Quotable Quotes :

“Feeling dead was better than when my heart hurt. Sometimes I thought it might burn through my ribs while I was asleep, and smolder in the sheets until the whole house caught fire.”

“Sometimes waiting and being disappointed was good, to remind me he didn’t belong to me. Nothing belonged to me.”

“He squeezed me tight, almost as tight as I needed… Tight enough to tell me I was important to him. A little tighter and I would know I was more important than anything else. That was what I wanted.”

“I liked learning things. How numbers worked together to explain the stars. How molecules made the world. All the ugly and wonderful things people had done in the last two thousand years.”

Rating : 5/5 stars

Quote of the Week

Some people we just outgrow. Relationships might end with no real explanation as to why. And when that happens, respect the shift. Honor the growth and understand that not all roots can stay planted in the same soil forever.

-Alex Elle