The worst wounds, the deadliest of them, aren’t the ones people see on the outside. They’re the ones that make us bleed internally.
You were smart, cool and sweet. You’re a breath of fresh air. You’re everything any girl would’ve wanted. Never in my wildest dreams did I think we’d go farther than being friends. But I wanted you in my life. You were my muse. You showed me another positive side of life. Eventually, I trusted you. Then, I loved you.
But what could have happened if we just never met?
Quite certainly, I would’ve saved myself from a tremendous heartache. Did you come in my life to teach me a lesson? If so, I wish you were a lesson I didn’t have to learn. Things weren’t so perfect when you came but I was okay. Still, you were there to cheer me up. Made me look at life from a different view. Said things are going to turn quite well. You offered me wisdom. You helped me become whole again.
Then you broke me just the same.
I’ve been contemplating for a very long time now if you were ever worth the love and time I gave you. Was the joy I felt with you worth this pain? Was it wrong to break my rules for you? Was I so naive to think that I meant something to you? Was it wrong that I trusted you? Or was I a fool for loving you?
If I could turn back time to the night we first kissed and change it all, I will. If only I knew that you’d give me more pain than joy, I would have left it all the way it once were. If only I knew you’d leave me for little mishaps and uncertainties, I shouldn’t have let things went too far.
Perhaps it’s true that everyone we meet in our lives come for a purpose or a reason. None of it is a coincidence. None of it a mistake. It’s been some time now since you did what you did and I’m trying to put them all past me. But some days, it all just comes back, reopens the wound you left me and hurts like hell again.
That is why sometimes, I wish we never met.
Some wounds take forever to heal.
Other people are going to find healing in your wounds. Your greatest life messages and your most effective ministry will come out of your deepest hurts.
People have scars in all sorts of unexpected places like secret road maps of their personal histories, diagrams of all their old wounds. Most of our old wounds heal leaving nothing behind but a scar. But some of them don’t. Some wounds we carry with us everywhere and though the cut’s long gone, the pain still lingers.
-Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy
There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.
-Laurell K. Hamilton