I’m Counting…

… from five to one as I hold you tight in my heart and in my mind, one last time because…

Five. I want to stop thinking I’m worthless because you left me hanging just like that. I refuse to be seen just the way you see or think of me because you never really bothered to know me.

Four. I wish to say your name again without feeling sad, without feeling hurt. I want to say your name again like it never meant anything at all.

Three. I have to stop replaying the day we first met. The night we first kissed. I want to stop thinking what could’ve been if I just left it at hello. I want to learn to accept everything that happened and why it was too easy for you to just end it that way.

Two. I want to stop avoiding my life because of the past. I want to go spend time in a cafe, restaurant or anywhere without the fear of running into you.

One. I need to accept that it’s my fault all of these happened. Trust has failed me many times in the past but I still chose to trust you then. And I will still continue to trust that someday, I will meet someone who will choose to stay.

And now, I’m letting go…

Author: Just_Me :)

Basically a breathing, moving, eating and happy-go-lucky homo sapiens. Full-time daydreamer and part-time paranoid. I love reading, I love Roger Federer, I love food.

15 thoughts on “I’m Counting…”

  1. I like the way you wrote this. I think many of us have been through this. I told the story (as a senior that I am) that once I had invested so much of myself into my relationship that when he left, I honestly did not have an identity of my own. I have since learned that, as Jo Coudert quoted in her book, Advice from a Failure (which she never was), “Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never leave nor lose. To the question of your life, you are the only answer. To the problems of your life, you are the only solution. ” I have learned to respect myself and care for myself first and foremost, and if I love myself, I will never do this again. Beautiful writing. Thank you kindly.

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    1. Hello, Anne! Thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing. That’s a very beautiful quote and so very right. And yes, you’re right, we should respect ourselves first and foremost and love ourselves. A very important lesson everyone should learn. I am so glad with you sharing. Have a lovely night! (or day! 😃)

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  6. This is so beautiful and raw. I felt every single word so profoundly and deeply, because I’m going through something similar and I’m finding it very hard to let go. I hope it gets better for you, and you get the love that you deserve 💓

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      1. You’re absolutely right about that. But I guess things that are good for us tend to be hard at times, especially letting go of things that have a lot of significance for us

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