Some people bring out the worst in you, others bring out the best, and then there are those remarkably rare, addictive ones who bring out the most. Of everything. They make you feel so alive that you’d follow them straight into hell…
~Karen Marie Moning
If you don’t understand, ask questions. If you’re uncomfortable about asking questions, say you are uncomfortable about asking questions and then ask anyway. It’s easy to tell when a question is coming from a good place. Then listen some more. Sometimes people just want to feel heard.
~Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
Lately I’ve been thinking about who I want to love, and how I want to love, and why I want to love the way I want to love, and what I need to learn to love that way, and who I need to become to become the kind of love I want to be…and when I break it all down, when I whittle it into a single breath, it essentially comes out like this: Before I die, I want to be somebody’s favorite hiding place, the place they can put everything they know they need to survive, every secret, every solitude, every nervous prayer, and be absolutely certain I will keep it safe. I will keep it safe.
Most people get upset when their expectations are not met. I guess it’s normal to feel that way for a while. However, for myself, I’ve learned that if you want to be happier, successful and have a stress-free (or less stressful) life, it’s very important not to expect anything from anyone specially things we too, are not willing to do for ourselves. We all are following different paths in life so it’s quite understandable when other people’s actions/behaviors don’t always align with ours.
Very often, many of our disappointments come from misguided, erroneous or even unwise expectations. True enough, it’s also hard not to expect anything in life, but we’ve seen it many times too, that life is not always what you’ve planned or wanted it to be. Moreover, people don’t always behave the way we want them to. We can always hope for the best but expect less or expect the worst.
So today, I thought it would be nice to share with you a few things I’ve learned to stop expecting from other people.
1. Stop expecting others to understand you.
This is one of the very first things I’ve stopped expecting from other people at an early age. It’s one of the most important things I did for myself. It helped me a great deal. As someone often branded as weird, strange, naughty, crazy or stubborn when I’m just being myself, I used to expect that someday people will understand me. Expecting others to understand me always leads me to disappointment though. It used to make me upset for hours or sometimes even lead to fights. But as soon as I’ve accepted the fact that I don’t need them to understand me because I very much understand myself, life has never been better. And I had always been the same weird, strange, naughty, crazy and (not so) stubborn (anymore) girl that I am.
It’s important to remember that not everyone will understand you and they don’t have to. You may be unwanted by some, but you may also be priceless for others. So always keep in mind your worth and spend your time with people who value you.
2. Stop expecting others to agree with you all the time.
People have different opinions about everything and it is very unrealistic to expect them to agree with you all the time. You can try to convince them to agree with you about the subject in hand but that doesn’t necessarily mean that they will concur with what you’ve said. Not everything that seems right to you is right for them, too. Opinions vary. So it’s perfectly fine if they don’t always agree with you, besides, you also don’t agree with them all the time, right?
3. Stop expecting people to return the favor.
The golden rule states that, “Do unto others what you want others to do unto you.” In reality, this isn’t always true. Not all people will show you kindness the way you show it to them. Many assholes and bitches who are not happy with themselves will treat you unkindly/cruelly despite the kindness you show them. So if you want to do favors to people, do it from your heart, do it because you want to without expecting that they’d do the same for you later on.
4. Stop expecting people to respect you when you don’t respect yourself.
While it is important to be nice to other people, it is also essential to be nice to yourself. Never beg people for respect, attention or love. You give yourself these things. Respect yourself, pay attention to yourself, love yourself. At the same time, respect others. They might not respect you as you respect them, but respect them anyway.
5. Stop expecting people to know what you’re thinking.
If you want to say something, tell them. Don’t expect others to know what’s in your mind. People can’t read minds. So you need to talk. You need to effectively communicate so people will understand and know what you want or what’s in your head. Just say it.
6. Stop expecting people to change overnight.
You can’t change people. I guess, you shouldn’t even try to. Personally, it’s either you accept them as they are or live without them. People change but that is totally up to them and when when they do without others forcing them to do so, it also changes the way you see them.
7. Stop expecting people to live or do things according to your standards or your idea of who they are.
Allow people to be themselves and stop expecting them to act or behave according to your standards. Appreciate them and respect them for who they are. People’s morals and ethics differ. Right and wrong are not always clearly defined, so as long as you expect others to do things according to what you think is right will often leave you in frustration.
8. Stop expecting people to be always okay.
Every now and then, life throws a curve ball on us and sometimes, other people take far too long to cope with these difficulties. We deal with our problems in different ways and others suck at it sometimes but we all have good days and bad days. It’s okay not to be okay all the time. Have a little more compassion for others.
She’s damaged as fuck
which makes her more dangerous.
Feels at home in hell.
I think some people are just inexplicably bonded. Drawn by forces beyond their own comprehension, they have no choice but to gravitate toward one another. Destined by fate to keep crossing paths until they finally get it right.